Friday, January 22, 2010

Would You Like A Cardiologist With That?

We have a family friend from Nigeria.  He is a physician who has lived in this country from many years.  He had once made the observation that the United States is the only country that refers to food as "junk".  A very thought provoking statement.  Billions of people go to bed hungry every day, some of these people live in the US, the land of excess. 
We have taken junk food to new heights.  I have taken a liking to a show on television that shows gluttony at its finest.  The host travels the country highlighting restaurants that claims fame by challenging people to eat outrageous amounts of food in exchange for the glory and gastric distress that inevitably follows.  The host has tried ingesting sushi, seven pound hamburgers and pizzas the size of a helipad.  It brings to mind the "Old 96er" that haunted John Candy's character in the movie "The Great Outdoors". 
The television show also visits eating establishments known for their specialtiest.  I have sat in my living room practically drooling as visions of heavenly fried chicken and light-as-air waffles are served to hungry patron down South.  They have paid visits to the most amazing barbecue joints in Texas.  I was ready to board an airplane and strap on the feedbag.
One of the restaurants located in Atlanta, Georgia was featured for their over-the-top burgers.  Now, take your cholesterol medication and image this--  two half-pound hamburger patties between three grilled cheese sandwiches (grilled cheese, hamburger patty, grilled cheese, hamburger patty, grilled cheese).  Top the burger patty on top with two fried eggs, eight slices of cheese, ten strips of bacon and mayo on the side.  Wow!  I'm pretty sure this burger must come with a side order of nitroglycerin and a defibrillator! 
Few groups gets more excited about food as my youth group, especially the junior high boys.  These young men are eating machines.  I am often in wonder of how they physically handle the amounts of food I have witnessed them consume!  Well, all it took was the suggestion that this burger did indeed exist and they were ready for a road trip.  Due to budget restraints, we decided to recreate this burger in our church kitchen for the group to sample.  One burger, twenty five people.  Now that sounds a bit more civilized.  Our weather has thwarted our plans in January, so our tasting have been pushed back to February.  What a disappointing turn of events.
There is a magazine circulating that has a feature called "food porn".  The article brings to light those restaurant and grocery store items that are so bad for you that the Surgeon General should have a warning on them.  Unfortunately, many of the items that come up on the naughty list sound wonderful.  Cheese, sour cream, sugar, fat, calories - mmmm!  Of course, as adults, we should try to feed our human machines nutritious food that keeps us healthy and fit.  However, foods that have nutritional value whatsoever are so much better tasting.  I SHOULD have an apple for a quick snack, but a scotcheroo sounds like a better use of my tastebuds.
Our hectic schedules and ramped up lives leave us catching meals on the run and using convenience foods that can be packed with fat, sodium and calories.  Our society revolves around food.  Methodists believe that we need to feed you physically before we can feed you spiritually --- and I think we are right.  I'm not sure if John Wesley would concur, but he hasn't been to one of our potlucks.
Life is short and, under certain circumstances, I do believe that you should eat dessert first.  Do you think any of the woman on the Titanic were glad they skipped desert right before the boat sank?  There has to be a happy balance there somewhere.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Battles of Winter

On  my way in to work this morning, a national news commentator referred to the wind chill in North Dakota this morning as "ridiculous".  Interesting choice of words.  I've heard "frigid", "brutal", "painful" and other words that people mutter under their breath as they fight to do what needs to be done in this frozen tundra we like to call home. 
This morning, I awoke and stumbled from my bed to find the actual temperature was -15 degrees with a wind chill of -37 degrees. Not exactly balmy, but I've lived through worse.  It's just one of the joys of living on the Plains.
Winter is a fact of life here in North Dakota - cold, snow, drifts, travel advisories - it's all part of the experience.  You would think that we would get accustomed to the inconvenience and downright danger that can be a North Dakota winter, but walk into any small town cafe and you will hear a fair amount of complaining about this season.
Personally, I love winter until the first real snowfall.  That's when reality kicks in.  People need to learn to drive all over again.  (Oh, yeah.  It really does take fifty feet to stop at an intersection!)  I spend hours shoveling and reshoveling after the plow comes by.  Scraping windows and warming up vehicles leave me a little grouchy.  My puppy was housebroken in January and she knows how to get out and back in the house in 60.7 seconds.
Up until three years ago, I had been an apartment dweller for several years.  I didn't have to do any snow removal and most of my landlords were good about getting the snow moved quickly and efficiently.  When I moved into the house it was a whole other story.  I have a decent amount of sidewalk in front of the house and a double parking pad in front.  My garage has alley access and I have a fairly long driveway in the back.  Last winter, we had close to record snowfall.  After one blizzard, it took me six hours of shoveling to get my car out of the garage.  We ran out of places to pile the snow.  Drifts were so high, I couldn't throw the snow over the drifts anymore.  Rescue came in the form of a kind apartment owner across the hedge who did my snow removal in exchange for "storing" the apartments buildings' snow in my yard.  Heck, if he was willing to clear my snow, I would have let him store it in the guest room of my home! 
I really thought that I had won the battle of snow removal this year when my father purchased a used snowblower for my use.  I could hardly wait to do snow removal in a fraction of the time and save money on massage therapists and icy-hot. 
The real test came Christmas day as a blizzard dumped nine inches of snow on a large part of North and South Dakota.  After the worst of the weather had passed, I went out to try and start the snowblower, which has a pull cord.  Nothing - no signs of life.  My father gently reminded me to turn on the gas line.  Still nothing.  Well, if it didn't start, at least it made a nice lawn ornament.
After a few days of being homebound, the calvary arrived - my brother and his father-in-law and brother-in-law.  His father-in-law messed around with it for a few seconds, pulled the cord and it sprang to life!  I was so happy I had to restrain myself from hugging him.  After a few quick lessons on the choke, gas line and steering, I was set. 
This week brought snow and terrible wind chills.  Tuesday and Wednesday brought 6.2 inches of snow and my day began by clearing the front sidewalk.  Why not use the snowblower, you ask?  Well, in a sad twist of fate, my snowblower can't fit on either the North or South side of my home.  This will work well for my neighbors as I will have to clear snow to get to the front.  The snow was light and fluffy, so it was easy to move. I was patting myself on the back for starting the day with some exercise. 
After work, I shoveled off the drifts in the front and made my way to the back.  My brother had attempted to start the snowblower earlier in the day and it had sputtered to life and died as quickly.  I had wheeled it into the garage to warm it up and tried to start it in the shelter before moving it out to the driveway.  After turning the key, checking the choke, opening the gas line and priming it, the snowblower roared to life.  Yippee!  I was a stud muffin!  I opened the garage door and headed out to the driveway.  It gasped once and died.  I retraced my steps and pulled the cord again -- and again --- and again.  Nothing.  Seriously?!?  Back into the garage we went.
Now, I'm not mechanically minded.  I have no clue why I have a choke or what exactly it does.  I had a tough time believing it was too cold to run the snowblower as it is build to perform in cold weather, but I thought maybe that was the reason.  I tried everything short of tucking it in with an electric blanket and a cup of cocoa. 
So, with the garage door opened and the snowblower in sight, I began to shovel the driveway.  The  heat from my anger and the cold wind made the shoveling go quickly.  I was done in just under an hour.  When I finished, I stumbled back into the house with no feeling left from my feet to my hips.  Lucy greeted me at the door with a cold nose and a warm body.  Hours later, I was still chilled and went to bed with socks and extra blanket. 
As Lucy and Monster snuggled closer and the wind chill dropped, I drifted off to sleep knowing the there is plenty more snow in my future.  The battle wages on.  Fortunately for me, I have amazing neighbors, kind strangers and a shovel.